Higher Survival
by Sorrow has a Human Heart
Summary: A terrible accident leaves Mikasa reeling. What if living for the dead isn't good enough? Eventual Levi x Mikasa.


**A/N: This takes place roughly just after season one ended, as a reference. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin. Isayama Hajime has that honor. I profit nothing but shits, giggles, and soft-core ego trips from this. **

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**Chapter 1: Nightmare**

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Mikasa awakened, stirring only slightly at the tremors radiating up the legs of her bed. They were light and arbitrary to start; enough that she almost ignored it, but a rough, out-of-place jolt made her think again, and she shot up, listening hard. What was doing that? Of course, thoughts of yet another titan incursion were always at the forefront of her mind; thoughts of whether they were the mindless, waddling ones, or humans clothed in titan flesh, come to try to take Eren away from her. It could always be that. Threatening around the corner of each new day and night, and creeping up from the darker recesses of a past that she secretly wished she could put behind her, someone or something could always be seeking to rob her of her only family.

Yet, even an aberrant titan's footfalls possessed enough of a clear stomping, pounding pattern to leave no doubt. This was different.

Slow but deliberate, she cast away her covers and let her bare feet touch the floor, straining to hear over her now-pounding heart. Silence ensued for the next few breathless seconds, and then, the whole castle seemed to vibrate. Titan or not, something was very, very wrong. Wasting no more time in trying to guess, Mikasa quickly suited up, throwing her still-wrinkled and half-buttoned shirt over her unkempt bed-head, and carelessly pulling on the closest pair of pants she could find. Boots, belts, and the harness for her three-dimensional maneuvering gear came next, before attaching the components of the weapon that had grown all too familiar and comfortable by now; as though it was a part of her, like a cat's retractable claws.

Looking out the window, she tried to catch a glimpse of whatever was causing the grounds to rumble so. Was size-class was it? How far away? Did she have the time to warn the others, or should she simply go it alone, and take care of the problem before it had a chance to rampage through the Survey Corps' headquarters and pick off their already thinned numbers?

She couldn't see a thing, but the ground kept shifting and shaking. Pebbles and dirt hopped up from the short grass closest to the building. Across the yard, the earth seemed to be melting into itself, sinking. Mikasa gasped; the basement was much wider than the upper floors of the castle, extending out beneath the surrounding yard. Eren's dungeon-like room was just below that cave in! Almost reflexively, she darted out into the hall, and sprinted to the stairwell. Eren slept like a brick, and he probably had no clue that he was about to be buried alive! She had to get to him, she had to pull him out of that hole, she had to—

Then suddenly, from outside, an explosion rocked the wall and illuminated the hallway in a sickly flash of ochre light.

Instantly, Mikasa changed course, winding around one corner after another until she burst through the exit. The ground had not caved in as she'd feared. Rather, towering before her, was Eren in his titan form, having literally pushed up through the yard in his transformation.

"Eren!" she cried out, shocked and confused.

The night had been peaceful up until now. There was no reason for him to have transformed, let alone make such a destructive exit. There were no other titans around; he was the only one. What had gotten into him? Why?

Yet, he didn't even so much as spare her a glance as he stepped forward, forcing her to use her gear to move out of his path. Releasing a mighty roar, his monstrous hand reared back, and swiped at one of the castle's towers, breaking it clean off. Burning red streaks decorated the skin and muscle on his limbs and torso, and steam rose from his entire form. Gripping some of the rubble in his right hand until it ignited in his titan's heat, he then tossed the flaming debris back at the building.

As the bomb-like chunks descended, crashing in through walls and windows, Mikasa knew he'd lost control. Why or how, she didn't know and didn't have time to think about it. She had to do something to stop him—anything that would quickly rein him in, and keep the Survey Corps from having to fulfill its duty to put him down if he ever proved too hazardous to be useful. Some of their comrades inside might already be injured. Surely everyone inside was awake now. In a matter of minutes, they'd come pouring out, ready to fight. Commander Erwin would issue his orders, once he saw what had happened—orders to stop the rogue titan from destroying the Corps, at all costs.

Projecting a line into Eren's shoulder, she swung and grappled her way up to his eye-level. "Eren!" she beckoned to him again. Then, she noticed: his normally enraged, wide, gleaming eyes were still heavy and half-lidded. He was sleep-walking! "Eren! Whatever you're fighting isn't there! Eren, you're dreaming! Wake up and stop this!"

She tried to hang on, but he was burning up well beyond his normal titan's fever, forcing her to swing over to a nearby tree so that the soles of her boots wouldn't melt. Mikasa's heart raced, but not from exertion. If she really wanted to save him this time, she was going to have resort to cutting him out forcefully—a back-up plan Captain Levi had concocted some time ago, to try to avoid having to kill him in exactly this type of situation. However, she was going to have to pull off four rapid-fire, high-precision cuts into the nape of the titan's neck while it was on a total rampage, and so hot that she could barely touch him, by herself. Everyone else below was still getting their bearings in the midst of the chaos.

It didn't matter. If that's what she had to do, that's what would happen.

Quickly assessing her surroundings, she chose one other tree, about five meters to the left, and the castle, three meters straight ahead to use as her landing points. If she could swing between each of them fast enough, slicing until Eren's true self was separated from his titan shell, she could put an end to this. Latching onto the neighboring tree, she glided past Eren, sinking her right blade into the tough, sinewy flesh, successfully slicing open the first deep gouge. It immediately began healing as usual, but it would take a few minutes before it closed.

Eren growled in response, fitfully kicking a hole in through the castle's front gate. The tips of his toes scooped up a few half-dressed cadets in the process, sending them careening high into the air, along with pointed shards of debris. Their impromptu flight ended several yards into the surrounding forest, far away enough that Mikasa lost track of their screams.

Mikasa clenched her teeth. Her plan wasn't working out as she'd hoped. Eren was her foremost concern above everyone and everything else, but even she had to concede that five or six deaths for every slice was an unacceptable cost to the Corps. She needed to keep her wits about her, as tempting as it was to pretend she hadn't just watched him slaughter their fellow soldiers. Improvising, Mikasa decided that she needed to disable him first. With him immobilized, she'd be able to work much quicker at setting him free. Jumping down, she plunged a line into the lowest part of the rogue titan's calf, and swung around to sever the muscle and ankle tendons beneath it.

As she intended, Eren fell to one knee, but his unconscious tirade didn't end. Screaming, he reached out for the tree from which she'd just jumped, uprooting it and heaving it at the scattering soldiers before him. The trunk tumbled, rolling over a few more rookies, crushing them.

Hands gripping her swords tight, Mikasa braced herself to brave the titan's burning flesh once more. Plunging her iron wire into the middle of his back, she leapt halfway across the way to her target. Her feet touched down, and the bottoms of her boots immediately began to smolder, emitting the stench of burning rubber and leather. The smoke floated up, stinging her eyes, but she sprinted onward, forcing the obstructive haze out of her line of sight until she was close enough to finish what she'd started.

But first…first, she wanted to try one more time to make this easier on him. Like Armin had before, she sank one sword up to the hilt where Eren's arm should be. "Eren, if you don't wake up now, I'll have to cut you out," she barked, her throat hoarse from the sheer amount of smoke and steam she'd already inhaled.

For a long, still minute, the titan stopped thrashing. A low, almost thoughtful-sounding growl rumbled in its throat, while its sharp, gnarly fingers dug into the ground.

It was enough to make Mikasa hesitate; enough to make her step back from the nape of Eren's neck, certain that he was on the verge of ending his night terror himself. "Eren," she uttered his name hopefully, "it's alright. You can come out now. I'm here."

Mikasa's feet were starting to burn, but she simply stood there, waiting. She believed in him. Whatever she had to do to make the Corps accept this accident as such, she would do. Whether that meant more experiments with Hanji, or placing herself on guard over him twenty-four seven, she'd make sure that he didn't suffer too terribly. Yes, there were going to be grudges, and comrades who would never accept an apology for the kind of carnage he'd wrought tonight, let alone begin to trust in his abilities again. But that was fine, because she'd always be there to protect him. Even if they had to leave the military, and things got so bad that they had to live on the run, she'd be there.

As the stinging in her toes grew into painful, blistering stabs, she anchored herself into the castle wall and glided smoothly over to her new perch, to continue watching Eren win this fight with his titan form. Tenderly, she pulled the red scarf around her neck up over her mouth, hiding the small, relieved smile that had broken through in spite of the chaos.

But in an instant, her illusions shattered.

The fingers that had sank into the earth retracted with fistfuls of rocks and sediment, fusing them together into huge boulders. His ankle now healed, Eren stood once again, remaining a titan, and stared straight ahead at her.

Mikasa's stomach sank, and she felt her knees go weak. His eyes were no longer half-lidded, but she'd never seen them so blank and lifeless. The spark of rage and ambition that had always inhabited him, both as a human and even more so in his titan form, had burned out. Disbelieving, she watched him gaze mindlessly at the contents in his hands, as though trying to remember where he'd gotten them, or what he'd intended to do with them. An old, familiar cloak of numbness that her mind reserved for times such as these, when things looked to take an unfortunate turn, descended over her churning panic and rabid denial.

"Mikasa, you have to stop him!" Armin's voice cried out, disrupting her stupor.

Below, she saw that Armin was soaked in blood, supporting a limping, barely-conscious Connie on one shoulder, while a strip of green cloth acted as a tourniquet for a huge gash on his other arm.

Thinking about the consequences of forcing him out would have to wait, because those weren't just strangers that Eren was wounding and killing, she realized. Some of them were close friends; some of them would haunt Eren if they died because of him. She remembered how mortified he'd been, when he'd found out that he really did try to assault her before they recaptured Trost. That awful, empty stare would become his reality if she allowed him to kill someone he cared for so pointlessly, wouldn't it? Especially Armin.

Cold logic took over, and as if capitulating along with her, Eren suddenly fell to his knees again.

Mikasa held her breath, and scanned the yard for the one who'd brought him back down. Hanging off the side of the remaining tree by a single wire was Levi, taking great care to put as little weight as possible on the leg that was only beginning to heal. And he hadn't merely severed Eren's ankles; he'd cut his feet clean off, allowing her a great deal more time to save him.

"Damn kid, there's a fucking curfew for a reason," he snapped, and then called to her, "Mikasa, extract your dumb-assed friend before he makes a bigger mess."

Wincing at the Captain's ill-placed humor—if that's really what it was—she didn't need him to tell her twice. Swiftly, she cast her line into Eren's shoulder blade, and swooped down to reclaim her former foothold beneath his neck. Steeling herself, she resisted the urge to hesitate yet again, and buried her swords deep on either side of his neck, dragging them downward to remove Eren's arms, and then slashing across to loosen him completely.

Disconnected from its creator as anticipated, the titan flopped forward, crashing with a resounding thud, and began to dissipate at the limbs. Already, the skin beneath her feet was cooling somewhat, making it bearable to remain in place, waiting for Eren to emerge. Once the flesh on the back was thin enough, he'd pop out, conscious or not.

But he was taking longer than usual, Mikasa noted. Impatiently, she dug her hands into the hot, bloody muscle, feeling around for Eren's torso. When she was sure she'd securely wrapped her arms around him, she pulled. Messily, the slab of grimy tissue covering him fell away, and splattered on the ground before dissolving. Yet, his head was still buried within what was left of his titan form, fused with the stringy remains.

Huffing, she gently pulled on Eren's limp body again, not wanting to injure his human neck or head. A wet, sucking noise from the base of the dissolving titan's head was the only response she received for her efforts. This wasn't the first time Eren had gotten stuck to or jammed within parts of his defeated titan form, but usually, he was awake to pry himself away from it. This time, somehow, even through the cacophony he'd raised, he was still asleep. Mikasa groaned, and shook him. "Eren, wake up get out of there!"

Limply, Eren's arms dangled, and his legs slipped down into slimy, bloody mess where she'd pulled him out. Mikasa shook her head, not willing to understand. This was…wrong. Unreal. It didn't feel real at all. Why did he always have to play stupid little games like this? And at a time like this? He was being such a lazy pain in the ass, neither waking nor moving, no matter how much she moved him, or how everything below his neck flopped around when she tried to get a better grip. With her hands still supporting him from his front, she could feel that he wasn't even bothering to breathe. Her face flushed in anger. She could only protect him so much; she could only take care of a limited number of his thoughtless mistakes. He'd have to pay her back for this one, Mikasa decided.

Bracing herself, she hooked her arms beneath his shoulders, and yanked again. And again. And again, harder and harder, while the bones in his shoulders gave off little pops and snaps in protest. Hot fluid began falling down her face, and stinging her eyes, but Mikasa ignored it. She could worry about why it was flooding over her when she managed to get Eren out of this disgusting mess. "Eren!" she heard herself screeching his name while she worked, repeated and panicked, until it was just some animalistic noise she couldn't keep from coming out her mouth. "Eren, Eren!"

From behind, an arm hooked around her mid-section, forcing her back, plucking her away from Eren's collapsed form. "Stop it, Mikasa," Levi ordered. "You're not helping him."

While he dragged her off to the side, Armin and Hanji jogged past, making their way toward the titan head and Eren with a box of medical supplies.

Mikasa knew this feeling. The world was falling apart. Sinking to the ground, hugging herself, it occurred to her that every part of her body hurt, and had been for a while. Her throat was made of live coals, and her arms and legs had transformed into stone. Her shaking hands were limp, dead twigs, and her ears wouldn't stop buzzing. The only thing that cut her any slack was the numb, detached feeling that had settled in her head while she watched Hanji and Armin poking and prodding at the neck with small, sharp surgical tools. Violent plumes of steam erupted again and again from the rogue titan's head, disrupting them.

If she couldn't get Eren out of that thing, what made them think they could?

She wanted to go back, and supervise them, if only for her own reassurance. She needed to see that they weren't cutting the wrong parts, or that they'd managed to revive him. But she was being guarded. Levi hadn't left her side, seeming to have anticipated that she'd make such a move. There was nothing she could do but look on.

"Ah, this again," Mikasa murmured quietly, pulling her scarf up over her face, pretending that its warmth could actually shelter her from how the world was shamelessly flaunting its cruelty to her once more.

Towering over her hunched-down form, Levi cast a side-long glance at her remark, as if he expected her to have more to add; a story to tell, but she paid him no mind.

Finally, after minutes that felt like hours, Eren's feet slid back several inches, and he was on his stomach, flat on the ground. The last remains of his titan's form began to evaporate as well, confirming that they'd succeeded. Mikasa did stand then, just in time to see Armin dart away from the gory scene, to cling to a corner of the castle while he vomited. She turned her eyes back to Eren, dread weighing her down from moving another inch. She didn't want to know what could have been so terrible as to make Armin sick, but she couldn't look away.

Straight ahead, Hanji was slowly wrapping all of what should have been Eren's head in thick swaths of white medical cloth. Her glasses were splattered in blood, and her mouth was sealed in a tight, concentrated frown. Shaking, her hands applied layer after layer, leaving no holes for Eren's nose, eyes, ears, or mouth. Each layer quickly absorbed more blood, but she kept going, wrapping and weaving until there was nothing but an undiscernible white ball atop Eren's neck.

Finished emptying his stomach, Armin was approaching her now, stumbling slightly in his steps, and wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve. "Mikasa," he croaked out, weeping, "I…We couldn't. We were too late. Eren's head completely fused with his titan. There was almost nothing left…I'm sorry…"

"This again," Mikasa coldly reaffirmed, unable to peel her gaze away from her dead family. Was he dead because of her? Dead because she'd been too hesitant, too naïve in thinking that he had regained control? If so, then she might as well have killed him, just as surely as she'd severed his titan's neck.

Eren was dead, and it was because she'd failed in doing the only thing she ever cared to do.


End file.
